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Random Doppelganger of the Day


@BreakTheHuddle

Are we certain that Cincinnati Reds pitcher Homer Bailey and “The Dark Knight Rises” star Christian Bale are NOT the same person?

Is this the notoriously moody Welsh actor Christian Bale, or Cincinnati Reds hurler Homer Bailey?

Homer Bailey, delivering another pitch? Or Christian Bale, delivering another fantastic-yet-somewhat-frightening performance as a method actor who doesn’t seem to know where acting stops and reality begins?

Another:

Homer Bailey, getting advice (and a little love tap) from his skipper, Dusty Baker? Or is this a screen shot from “The Dark Knight Rises”, giving away the love scene between Christian Bale and Morgan Freeman? (Notice the surly man in the background – looks like Michael Caine is jealous…)

Christian Bale in “American Psycho”, “pretending” to kill a hooker? Or is this Homer Bailey, jokingly taking an axe up to bat?

And:

Christian Bale in “3:10 to Yuma”? Or Homer Bailey, showing himself to be a true Texan by wearing a Cowboy hat?

Homer Bailey, on the hunt in the Lone Star State? Or Christian Bale, embarking on another murderous rampage?

One thing I hadn’t considered…

The possibility that…

CHRISTIAN BALE WANTS TO MURDER HOMER BAILEY?!?!?

Let me explain.

Christian Bale has a history of taking roles that feature either high body counts (“American Psycho”,”Equilibrium”), or thinly concealed, bloodthirsty rage (the “Batman” movies, “Shaft”, “The Machinist”). He’s known to get, er, irritable at times – a rant towards  a coworker on the set of “Terminator: Salvation” went viral in early 2009. (It can be found here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qrvMTv_r8s.) (Uh, warning – there is some naughty language involved.)

A month before that audio broke, he was arrested for his role in an assault – against his own mother and sister. Though no charges were filed and the whole matter was eventually dropped, there’s certainly plenty of anecdotal evidence to suggest that Mr. Bale is, as “The Dark Knight Rises” co-star Tom Hardy puts it, “Not the kind of guy you want to piss off.”

Which brings us to Homer Bailey – what could he have possibly done to make Christian Bale upset? At first glance, it’s hard to see similarities between the two  – Bale is a Welsh actor who got his big break at the age of 13 when he was cast in Steven Spielberg’s “Empire of the Sun.” He worked steadily to become one of the masters of his craft, routinely adding and dropping weight to match the physical element of his characters. He lost sixty pounds for his role in “The Machinist”, gained back all the muscle to play Batman, lost it again to play Dicky Eklund in “The Fighter”, and re-gained it to shoot “The Dark Knight Rises”. For all that hard work, he is one of the highest-paid movie stars in the world.

Sort of hard to believe that’s the same guy, isn’t it? Clearly, Bale is adept at altering his form. I’ll bet he’s master of disguises. If I were Homer Bailey, I would grow eyes in the back of my head.

Homer Bailey was drafted out of high school by the Cincinnati Reds, a highly touted pitching prospect immediately after he signed his first pro contract. When he made his debut, he was the youngest player in the National League. His performance has only been so-so since he first appeared in the big leagues in 2007, but this year he has shown signs that he might be putting it all together, posting an 8-6 record with a 3.93 ERA in 18 starts.

Violence often stems from feeling threatened – perhaps Christian Bale feels as though Bailey  is attempting to trade on his hard work. Aside from the physical resemblance, their names are relatively similar (Bale – Bailey), both men were successful in their fields at young ages, heck, even Bailey’s teammates have nicknamed him ‘Batman’. But I think what really must have made the real ‘Batman’ upset was when Homer Bailey reported to Cincinnati’s Triple -A affiliate for the 2007 season…

The Louisville BATS!

Remember, Bale doesn’t know how to delineate between reality and acting. Batman is afraid of bats. Homer Bailey was a Bat… a Louisville Bat. Bale was ready to fight a coworker for the dastardly crime of interrupting him while he was acting… and assaulted his own mother and sister, probably for bringing him cold tea or a bad crumpet… Imagine what he does to BATS!

How to resolve this:

Get Homer into protective custody. The Reds should do the right thing and let him go play somewhere anonymous and safe, where Bale will never find him. Kansas City ought to to the trick.

BreakTheHuddle is a fan of the Twins, Timberwolves and the 13-time World Champion Green Bay Packers. Reach him at BreakTheHuddle@gmail.com, @BreakTheHuddle on Twitter or leave a comment below!

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